John was “different”. He talked funny, he walked funny, and he carried a briefcase to school. He spoke loudly and he dressed funny. He was overweight and had bright blond hair.
We all thought he was weird. I remember some boys calling him names, like “fag” and “fairy”, and I distinctly recall John breaking down and crying several times over the years. He was completely disregarded as a freak and misunderstood by his classmates.
I think back to those days and wonder why I didn’t “get” who he was. Most of the memories of what happened back then are fuzzy now — for me, anyway. That makes me sad. John probably remembers, though.
I ran into him a couple of years after I graduated high school. I was with a friend at a dance club in Denver and I didn’t recognize him at first, because he looked much different from when I saw him last. He was one of the drag queens! I couldn’t speak — I was in shock — but when it finally hit me, I hugged him and told him how good it was to see him. I felt euphoric for him. He was no longer the kicked-around kid, he was rocking out as a STAR!
GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network), is the leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students. GLSEN’s 2009 National School Climate Survey found that nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT students report verbal, sexual or physical harassment at school and more than 30% report missing at least a day of school in the past month out of fear for their personal safety.
The constant bullying that John endured as a student should never have happened, and it certainly shouldn’t happen now. I am cringing at the figures above. I have spoken with my kids, who are now 11- and 9-years-old, about standing up to kids who bully them and other children. I teach my kids that, regardless of our sexual orientation, skin color, heritage, we are all HUMAN. We all have feelings and hopes and desires. We sometimes have hurts that are underneath, that others can’t see.
I have been completely honest with my kids in telling them a story about another boy in my high school, perceived as different, who was teased for his weight and skin color, among other “flaws”. I know he struggled with his sexuality, although I don’t recall him ever coming out and saying so to me, specifically. He was a friend and one of the kindest souls I have ever known, and he ended up committing suicide.
Obviously, words carry a lot of weight.
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On April 19, 2013, students around the world will take a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-LGBT behavior. The Day of Silence is a student-led national event to end anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. Students from middle school to college take a vow of silence to show their support and illustrate to their classmates, school administrators and school staff the silencing effect of bullying and harassment on LGBT students and those perceived to be LGBT. For more information, go to: www.dayofsilence.org.
