Writing to Sanity

Have you ever heard the “ding!” of your gas gauge and ignored it until you ran out of gas on the side of a highway or busy road?  No?  Me either.

Right.

I had my first (and hopefully, LAST) incident today while driving to a client’s house.  It was one of those situations where I knew I was low, but thought I had enough to get me where I was going, and I could get gas on my way home later.  Notsomuch.  I was sorta praying it was a faulty fuse that’s been known to give me trouble, but… hey, not a total loss!  The State Patrolman was cute AND it was a sunny day!

I called my dad to help me put gas in my gas can and, when we arrived back at my car, I committed the biggest crime east of the Mississippi: I pumped my gas into the car.  Yeah, I hear you laughing!  I’ll have you know, it’s illegal here in Jersey to pump your own gas.  Should that sweet, HOT State Patrolman come back around, he might have arrested me.  Worse yet, POLICE BRUTALITY could have occurred, and who wants that?!  I’m just sayin’.

All kidding aside, I should know better not to let my gas go that low.  Over the course of my last relationship, there were multiple times when I was told to keep my gas tank at least half-full.  Did I learn my lesson?  Evidently not.

I’m around, I swear.

I’m still having trouble finding a balance between making money and having fun.  For me, finding a job with benefits and great pay should have been my top priority, and it’s become painfully obvious that it hasn’t been.  I thought it was, but I guess it wasn’t.

Part of the reason I’ve been MIA for a while is I’ve been helping my Pastor out with office duties.  And, with all the snow the east coast has had, my kids have been home more… which isn’t really conducive to writing, since they want to be (and SHOULD be) spending time one-on-one with me.  Besides, with only one computer in the house, if we’re snowed in from school, chances are my parents are here needing to dial-in to work.

Some of you know that, recently, I re-started a business I’ve been working off and on for the past several years, but, while it’s been a great way for me to get my name out there, it’s not paying my bills yet.  A friend asked me to help with some data entry last week, and will be receiving some compensation for that, but I have arrived at the point where things around the house are becoming stressful and I don’t want them to be.  I can feel myself slowly sliding back into my old ways of not giving a crap about anything or anyone but myself, and that has to stop.

I want to write every day.  I need to write every day.  But I can’t be so hard on myself if I don’t.  (Which I have been — hard on myself that is.  You wouldn’t believe the mental crap I put myself through!)

Therefore, I’ve decided to take the following steps to regain consciousness in my immediate future (which, hopefully, will translate into the far future, as well):

1. Become stronger in my relationship with God and His Word. This means I will devote, at least, 15 minutes a day to learning/studying, praying/meditating and praising.
2. Become more attentive to Ethan and Mary. This is where it gets tricky.  I know what I need to do, but I can get so overwhelmed with everything, I shut down.  I can’t do this.  I need to get back on the ball with working out of my Household Notebook and just. freaking. do it.
3. Put some real effort into my job search. Sure, I’ve been “trying”, but how hard?  I have pooh-poohed working at a less than stellar job, but I need to have SOME money to buy gas and things I’d like to treat my kids to, like going bowling.
4. Keep moving. Keeping up on household duties, exercising daily… and keeping my kids moving, too.  We had a really great system at our last home, why did I let that go?

Enough about me, though.  What have YOU been up to while I’ve been MIA?

I had a rough year in 2009. In fact, when I first moved to New Jersey in October, I published my traumatic journey on New Jersey Moms Blog: “God’s meter is broken.”  To re-cap, some of the life-changing events:

I lost my job the day before my 30th birthday, my cat died, I was officially divorced and started a new visitation plan with my ex and our kids, I moved in with my boyfriend of over a year… and, after he deemed our relationship inconvenient to the lifestyle he most-desired, my kids and I moved to New Jersey to live with my parents.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise to all of you that I was medically diagnosed soon after with situational depression and began taking medication to help me overcome that.

After struggling emotionally and mentally to confirm my self-worth based solely on my experiences over the past year, I listened to a trusted leader in my church who spoke about remaining “forward in thinking” in 2010.  I decided then and there that I would not wish for the good ol’ days, and I would not (could not) allow my fear and shame to hold me back anymore.  And, for the most part, I’ve moved forward successfully.

What I’ve discovered, though, since I made the choice on New Year’s Eve, is that I tend to perpetually be in “shut-down” mode.  I’ve noticed it before through-out the years, but more so these days.  Why is that?  I wonder.  Why do I approach nearly every situation head-on at first, only to shut-down any time something bad happens?  I want to just stick my head in the sand and hope to God the problem doesn’t linger.  I have so many aspirations for myself, I just can’t seem to disconnect the habit of walking with my face down in the sand.

Why am I so fearful of life?

My mom and I took a trip to New York City the other day.  Yeah, I’m beginning to think I’m an old pro at this whole “riding the public transportation” deal.  Or not.  Whatever!  It was a cool time, and we drank some pretty darn good wine and ate some pretty fine food while we were there… no complaints from this peanut gallery, my friend!

The picture I’m showing you is the street sign that’s in front of The Dakota, which was John Lennon’s last residence… it was where he was shot and killed by Mark David Chapman on December 8, 1980.  I’ve always wanted to visit this site – what a great honor it was to be there.

I’ll have loads more pictures tomorrow.  It’s been a crazy weekend, with Mary sick and me feeling a bit under the weather, too, but I’ll be kicking butt and taking names this week… watch out!

“Ladies and gentleman, we have exactly one hour to steal everything in this studio.” I have been smitten since 1996, when I was on Spring Break in Seattle, Washington. For me and the rest of his fans, it’s been a surreal experience to have watched him on “The Tonight Show”. For your enjoyment, here are the last few shows he gave to the world as our host:

God bless and good luck, Conan! You’ve rocked my world.

I’m absolutely exhausted today. Not sure why, it’s not like I was out and doing a whole heck of a lot!

My day went by pretty quickly. I met with an employment agency at 9 am and finished by 1030 am. Drove home, had some breakfast, worked on whittling down my e-mails and perused social networking sites until right before noon, when I left to meet with my pastor. I was going to assisting with some administrative duties that had fallen by the wayside since he had recently been ill.

Anyway, I arrived back at home around 330 pm and fiddled around for a bit before I called my dad to see how he wanted me to start the soup we were to have for dinner. After that, I chopped veggies and browned some chicken breast and started the soup on the range.

My dad, Ethan, Mary and I sat down together for dinner (my mom was working late tonight) until it was time for Ethan and I to take his Pinewood Derby car to the school to be weighed and looked over before the big competition tomorrow night! Only… when I arrived with Ethan and his pinewood car…

No one was there. Not a soul. Okay, well, ONE soul, but it was the school janitor. He said there was nothing on the calendar for tonight. Dangit!

Because of my faux pas, I’ve decided I should be off to bed before time slips away from me, as it so often does. I will not pass “go”, I will not collect $200. I have to wake up early for a trip with my mom to the city — besides, my electric blanket is calling me.

Ta.

Ethan and I were recently looking at Michael’s for Pinewood Derby car supplies that he needed, when I stopped to look at the dollar bins.  It’s hardly ever that I can’t find SOMETHING good in those bins, but this time I was absolutely blown away.

In those bins, I saw Lunchbox Love® cards.

It thrilled me to see a product on the market that equipped parents to offer love, encouragement and fun for kids by featuring positive messages and fun trivia on every card!  Place them in lunch boxes, backpacks, binders, or on pillows. What a wonderful way for parents to connect with their kids, especially when families like mine are struggling to communicate more effectively.

Would you like to see a sample?  Click on the picture to the right to view a larger image of some of the cards included in Volume One.

They’re adorable, aren’t they?  I love them so much, I am offering Volumes One and Two for one lucky reader!  To throw your name into the “hat”, just leave a quick comment below telling me what your greatest joy has been as a parent so far.

Here’s how you can earn more entries:

• Follow Writing to Sanity on Twitter: @desiree_allen
• Subscribe to the Writing to Sanity feed
• Follow Lunchbox Love on Twitter: @lunchbox_love
• Follow Lunchbox Love on Facebook: Lunchbox Love

You’ll need to leave a comment for each entry (one comment for your “comment”, one comment for following us on Twitter, one comment for following LBL on Twitter, etc).  I’ll pull the winner via random.org on Friday, January 22, 2010 at noon ET.

NEW RELEASES: Lunchbox Love® for Teens & Tweens; for Birthday Boys; for Birthday Girls; for Girlfriends; for People You Work With and for Those You Appreciate

Exclusively for all Writing to Sanity readers:
Take 10% off your order with coupon code LBL4ME at www.sayplease.com

1/23/2010: THIS IS NOW CLOSED. CONGRATULATIONS TO ANN, WHO WON THIS GIVEAWAY!

Today is National Clean Off Your Desk Day! Yay!

I haven’t been working in the corporate world for several months now but, when I was, I recall having difficulty keeping up on everything. I’d start great but, as a stream of work would come in, I’d eventually begin to lose my mind! Generally speaking, I tend to let things overwhelm me — once the snowball is rolling, it just gets bigger and bigger and less manageable! I believe my desk (and so many other examples in my life) are reflecting that overwhelm and, while I vow most years to change that, I know this is the year of freedom for me.

See where I “work” these days:

Not too bad!  Looks fairly clean now, huh? It’s only because my mom went through and cleared it off yesterday when we were tidying up the house.  Take a look at the second picture, below.

This pile is a little more representative of me.  Everything that belonged to me or my kids was tossed into a box so I could sort through it and take action with every single paper.  This is what was on the top of the desk, along with a newspaper and scrap papers that Ethan folded or cut while making his “creations”.  Do you see the orange notebook in the pile? That’s my Household Notebook, which I intend to use daily (picking it up and using it is one of my top priorities this year, as I noted in the 52 to Fabulous challenge of which I’ll be an active participant).

How will learn to keep my desk area clutter-free?  First of all, I’ll begin reading FlyLady’s article:

Control the CHAOS at Your Desk

While the wording is pointed mostly towards women who work, it can most certainly be applied to the rest of us.

For example, she states:

1. On the way to work, start your transition to work mode. Think about your day and visualize your do to list being completed. Grab a flower from your garden for your desk.
2. So, what do you do first when you get to work? Get coffee, or water for your desk? Don’t stand around and gossip. There will be time for talk later. Say your “good mornings” and get your day started by not getting sidetracked.
3. Put away your coat or sweater. Lunch in the refrigerator.
4. Check your appointment schedule/meetings, gather items needed for them.
5. Check your email. No, wait until you make your calls and do your to do list. Computer time will come. It won’t take long to get these things out-of-the-way first.
6. Now you can check your email.
7. If your projects take all day, then check your email at the top of the hour.
8. Open mail.
9. At 10:00am, take a small break and breathe and do some seated stretching exercises, hands, wrists, ankles and legs. If you can step outside, get some fresh air.

She goes on to note that we should set up a system to keep up our work area by dividing it up into “zones”, just as we do for our house:

Zone 1: Your files
Zone 2: Desk top, in-box and out-box
Zone 3: Left desk drawers
Zone 4: Right desk Drawers
Zone 5: Credenza behind you or shelf above your head.

This may not work for you, but you get the picture. Adapt it for your workstation. Soon you will get the hang of spending about 15 minutes each day focusing on this area of your office. Keeping things straight and in good working order.

Do you have trouble keeping your desk at home or work tidy and organized? In the comments, tell me what’s halting your success.

According to an article printed by the New York Times last month, our utility bill is one more casualty of the recession:

Last winter, applications for federal energy assistance soared and Congress nearly doubled money for the program, known as Liheap, to $5.1 billion. In 2009, a record 8.1 million households, up from 6.1 million in 2008, received one-time grants, averaging about $500, according to data released Friday by the National Energy Assistance Directors’ Association.

Congress kept the financing at $5.1 billion for the coming year. Energy prices have dipped slightly, but applications this fall are up an additional 20 percent, so grants will shrink or more people will be turned down, the association said.

Are you doing what you can to cut your bills?  Some common recommendations* to get you started:

Call for an energy audit. Many utility companies offer a free energy audit to their customers.  Until then, score your home’s energy use with Home Improvement Tools from EnergyStar.gov.

Seal up your house. Seal duct-work, check your fireplace damper and install a timer on your bathroom exhaust fans.

Switch to a natural-gas water heater. They use half the energy of an electric model.

Use task lighting. You wouldn’t refrigerate the house to keep your food cold, would you? (And, get rid of the halogen lamps, which heat up to nearly 1,000 degrees!)

Let the daylight in!

Install a dimmer on all bulbs. Save energy and extend the life of the bulb.

Eliminate “phantom” loads. Unplug things like chargers which continue to use energy when not in use.  Consider unplugging things until you need it (microwave and VCR).  Use power strips.  Set your computer to go into sleep mode when it’s not in use.

Keep your vents clean.

Buy a programmable thermostat. Did you know that properly using a programmable thermostat in your home is one of the easiest ways you can save energy, money, and help fight global warming? A programmable thermostat helps make it easy for you to save by offering four pre-programmed settings to regulate your home’s temperature in both summer and winter — when you are asleep or away.

How is your family surviving this winter so far?  In the comments below, share some tips for reducing your home’s energy use.

To get more information about utilities and help with paying your bills:

• National Association of State Energy Officials
• National Association of State Community Services Programs
• National Association of Regulatory Utility Commissioners
• LIHEAP Clearinghouse
• National Fuel Funds Network
• Consumer Law Center
• Federal LIHEAP Office
• Project Energy Savers

* Tips found at: Real Simple, About.com: Frugal Living, Smart Money and Energy Star.

Welcome to Introduce Yourself Day, brought to you by Trisha at MomDot. I won’t bore you with a drawn out wordy story. Instead, I’ll be providing a list for ease of reading à la the 100 things meme.

I have strawberry blonde hair.

I’ve worn glasses for a long time, and I only started wearing contacts about a year ago.

I have blue eyes.

I am the oldest of six children.

I have two children.

My birthday is April 17.

I was born on my maternal grandfather’s 49th birthday.

I wore a cast for several weeks after I broke my foot while I was in the fourth grade.

My longest lasting friendship has been going on for about 20 years.

I celebrated my tenth high school reunion in 2007.

I was married December 27, 2001.

I was divorced May 13, 2009.

I own a 2001 Buick Century.

I love (singing and watching) karaoke.

I was raised as a Catholic, but converted to Church of the Nazarene in 2007.

I would rather listen to Frank Sinatra and The Beatles than anything else.

I would rather take black-and-white pictures than color pictures.

I would like to visit Europe, the UK, Australia and New Zealand before I die.

I took Spanish classes in junior high and high school.

I learned calligraphy while I was in junior high.

I have played the flute, violin, piano and baritone, but I believe I am most talented at using my voice as an instrument.

I get lonely sometimes.

I am shy at first, but I usually end up being a social butterfly in most situations.

I love to spend time with people I am close to.

The profession I would find most rewarding: teacher.

Something I use too much online: LOL and

I consider myself a Democrat, but I have Republican tendencies.

I was a stay-at-home mom for four years, from 2001-2005.

I have worked in retail, fast food chains, call centers and healthcare.

I have a high school diploma, but I am looking forward to earning a Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration in the next few years.

I am the only red-head in my immediate family.

I married a red-head.

My children have red hair.

I consider myself to be a night owl, even though I don’t stay up past 11 pm on most days. (If I had my way, work would be at night, and we’d sleep during the day!)

My favorite movie is Babe.

I love the smell of freshly cut grass.

I hate the smell of automobile exhaust.

I have no pets.

My drink of choice is water.

I’m a packrat.

I have my ears pierced twice in each ear.

I have two tattoos; one is an angel on my right shoulder-blade, the other is a butterfly on the outer part of my lower left leg. I have no desire to have anything else done.

I seem to be drawn to geeks and jocks for my objects of lust. (How is that even possible?)

I have participated in a women’s barbershop chorus (baritone) and quartet (tenor).

I try to avoid onions.

I have no gallbladder.

I have no tonsils.

I made my first trip to Las Vegas, Nevada during April 15 and 16, 2008.

I am predominantly right-handed.

I am afraid of large bodies of water.

I am afraid of spiders.

My first job was working at a local fireworks stand.

My next job was working at a local Dairy Queen.

The marriage/relationship of my dreams: Not without flaws. Passionate love, passionate arguments. The highest level of dedication for each other. Safety, security, and no-nonsense. A family.